Feedback jeder Art A glimpse of my thoughts and feelings and the "sad kind of happiness"

[Benji]

I really like to be happy.
Who doesn‘t?
Maybe they‘re people who don‘t.
I don‘t know.
But what I like most
is this sad kind of happiness.
When I get into the melancholic mood.
And I can just cry and feel the pain.
It‘s when I feel alive the most really.
Or rather: It‘s when I feel that life has purpose the most.
It‘s cleansing.
And I‘m looking for that mood constantly.
Maybe that‘s why I like to drink so much.
I think it gets easier to get into it when I‘m drunk.
But these days I wonder if that‘s really true.
I‘m a melancholic alcoholic.
Or I just say that because it sounds cool.
 
I like the sad kind of happiness.
That‘s not a term I invented though;
I encountered it in Ira Levin‘s „This Perfect Day“,
which I‘m reading at the moment.
Yeah.